Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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