It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You smell like stripper and shame
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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