Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
