Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
