I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize