i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
