My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"