remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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