According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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