Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
