Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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