I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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