I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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