3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
is it fun? or sober?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
