end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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