i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
