so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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