He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
