got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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