Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
