Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
