My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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