her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
