Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
