I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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