Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
