i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
