Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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