There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
