You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
