I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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