I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
