I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
