I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
