the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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