Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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