I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
