if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
