do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Fuck appropriateness.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
