i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
