All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
