Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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