My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize