I wish i was in the wii world.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
