I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
