Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
