dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
