I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
