If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
