i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
