The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
