Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
