Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
