It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
