a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
