Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize