you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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