I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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