so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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