Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
