Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
