So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
