Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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