it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
