True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
