just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
