OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
