It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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