So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
