The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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