so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
