That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
