I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
50% drunk capacity currently
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
