u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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