she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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