In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
