Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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