Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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