Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
