Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
